How to Practice Self and Community Care as a Birthworker
Birthwork is whole-person work. It is physical, emotional, mental, and some would even say spiritual. After supporting someone through a reproductive experience-- birth, abortion, miscarriage, or adoption, for example-- you will probably feel, experience, and process A LOT.
Speaking from my own experiences, showing up as a companion, as a nonjudgmental, supportive, and loving witness, requires great presence. I expend lots of energy in the process of supporting another person or family through their unique reproductive journey.
And while I get energy in return, as I am in relationship with clients I support, I am walking alongside THEM and THEIR experience. I am centering their needs, preferences, and wishes.
Unfortunately, sometimes I find myself in need of additional support and processing as a result of being exposed to secondary trauma in my direct client work. This is an added layer to this type of intimate work.
Quite frankly, this work is deep, and it is wide. It requires birthworkers to show up wholly, which means that we must tend to ourselves before, during, and after our direct work with clients.
Before: Preparing to Show Up for a Client
Before we show up to support a client, there are things we can do to care for our own bodies, minds, and emotional needs. Some of these will be longer-term, ongoing practices, while others will be more immediate-- things you’ll do in the minutes or hours before physically showing up to be with a client/family. Immediate care rituals can support you in readying your body and mind for the journey ahead. You are taking time to be with yourself so that you can then be with your client.
Ongoing care as you engage in this ongoing work sustainably might include:
Gather with a community of doulas for support, resources, and processing.
Engage in joyful movement-- any movement that feels good to your body.
Explore mindfulness practices, journaling, and/or other spiritual practices you are called to.
Make a regular practice of integrating massages and/or other healing modalities that feel restful and rejuvenating to you into your schedule.
Work with a therapist, coach, and/or mentor.
Create a pre-support playlist (or two or three) depending on the mood you want to invoke.
Immediate care right before stepping into your client’s space might include:
Text other companion pals (aka doulas) to let them know you’ll be offering support to a client/family. You can ask them to light a candle for you! Or text you in a few hours to see how you’re doing, if you’ve eaten, if there is anything you need. And so on.
Take a bath or shower.
Eat food + drink water AND have some of each in your go-bag.
Listen to a playlist, song, or meditation that feels restorative for your nervous system.
Recite, read, or listen to affirmations.
Take 5 minutes in the car to just breathe and center yourself.
What other tools/practices do you use that support you in showing up for your clients?
During: Checking In With Yourself, Too
While you are offering your client support, it’s also important to check in with yourself every so often. You might not be able to focus on your client because you are thirsty or hungry or need to use the bathroom. This could mean that it’s time for you to take a brief pause or break when it feels possible. Even just a short trip down the hall or a quick text with a friend or a handful of granola can offer you the reset you need in order to stay present with your client.
How do you know when it’s time for a pause or break? What signs does your body or mind give you?
After: Self and Community Care After Supporting a Client
After you’ve spent time with a client, no matter if it was a few hours or a few days, it’s helpful to take some time to really nurture yourself and reorient to your needs. Again, note that this doesn’t just mean you caring for you but also allowing others to care for you, too.
Eat and hydrate! Notice what sounds good and if you’re able, follow your cravings.
Take a bath or shower.
Tend to your senses in fun, playful, or soothing ways. Ex: light a candle, eat some chocolate, ask a loved one for a back rub, add bubbles to your bath, etc.
Process the experience with other birthworkers. You might like to do this right away or in the coming days. Note: always respect confidentiality by not using their names.
Journal about your support experience.
Schedule an extra (or initial) session with your therapist if you feel like you could use some extra support and healing.
Balance rest + movement. If you haven’t slept, you might need to prioritize rest. If you have been using your body in certain ways, especially over and over for many hours, you might need to do counter-movements or stretches. Be open to responding to what your body needs.
What other tools/practices do you use that support you in nurturing yourself after offering direct client care?
Create + Refresh Your Own Toolbox
The ideas I’ve shared in this blog are simply that-- ideas. Notice what you feel drawn to. Be curious about other ideas that arise. I invite you to create a list somewhere so that you can access it when you need it. Revisit this list regularly, adding to it, editing it, and perhaps even collaborating on it with your birthwork community.
In all of BADT’s courses, there is space to talk about self and community care, as this is an ongoing practice for birthworkers. Join us in the classroom for one of our upcoming offerings!
Courtney (she/they) is a witness, space-holder, supporter, and caregiver for families of all types and in all stages. She has served youth and their families since 2008. Courtney is passionate about honoring life’s transitions, and they believe that all birthing people deserve compassionate, steady, and informed support throughout their unique reproductive journeys.
As a full-spectrum companion, Courtney is proud to elevate the voices and needs of each client she has the honor of serving. They are dedicated to inclusive, anti-oppressive work both in their personal and professional relationships and in the systems they live and work in. Find them on their website: https://companioncourtney.com/ and on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/companioncourtney/