How to Find a Doula You Vibe With
The global BADT Doula Directory is open to the public, and as the list of doulas grows, we are excited to share some tips for how to find a doula.
The process of finding a doula that feels like the best fit for you is exactly that-- a process. We offer some considerations that can support you through this process so that you feel empowered, connected, and confident.
These are a few truths we’d like to remind you of before we get into the more “practical” stuff:
Your needs and preferences are important, valid, and worthy.
You are the expert of your body and your experiences.
This process is great practice for taking up space and voicing your needs and boundaries. (A practice that will continue through birth and into parenthood if that’s your journey ahead.)
Getting Started on the Doula Search
Start by asking family, friends, and trusted professionals for referrals. Direct referrals from people you trust and who get you can be a good way to start your research. Keep in mind your loved ones’ doulas may not be the right fit for you, AND THAT’S OKAY.
Know your needs and wants and your deal-breakers. If you need to find a doula who is LGBTQIA+-affirming, for example, hold this at the forefront of your search process. If you know that you prefer working with someone who has home birth experience, for instance, prepare to ask this of doulas you reach out to. And so on. Wanting to work with someone that shares an identity or experience with you is valid!
Explore doula listings in our directory and/or other doula platforms. We are so excited and honored to host the BADT directory, which features incredible and diverse doulas who have full-spectrum training and align with our core values. There are other directories, nation-wide or locally that you might consult as well; note that most of these will be limited to birth and postpartum doulas (and may not include other full-spectrum experiences). As you are exploring, use your needs, wants, and deal-breakers to help you filter people into “maybe” and “no” categories. Also notice which listings make you excited to connect with that person.
Broaden your search to include virtual support* (as needed). We recognize that in some areas or more rural communities, you may have more limited options, whereas, in some cities, there will be a huge selection of doulas. If you have limited local options, please keep in mind that many doulas offer virtual support as well, so this can increase your options and help you find someone who is truly right for you.
*Virtual support is an offering that has become more widely available since the beginning of the pandemic.
Narrowing Down the Doula Search
Try to identify 5(ish) people whose work you want to explore more deeply. After you have filtered through doula’s profiles, do your best to identify ~5 doulas who you would like to get to know a bit better. Take a deeper dive into their bio, website, IG, etc. Notice what resonates with you, as well as who or what doesn’t resonate with you. Things you might be looking for include: philosophy, personality, training, experience, services offered, values, shared identities, and fees.
Decide on 2-3 people you’d like to interview. Try to identify 2-3 doulas who you would like to interview. This is usually a 30-60 minute chat, often complementary, during which you, your partner(s)-- if relevant– and the doula get to meet one another and explore the vibe and fit. At this stage, you might share the date range you need support for. This way, the doula can let you know whether they have space before you spend an hour getting vulnerable with them.
Ask your burning questions during the interview. Again, your wants and needs are of utmost importance, and we encourage you to ask questions that help you understand the doula’s perspective. These are some of our go-to questions that you might like to ask your potential doulas:
How would you describe your style and philosophy as a doula?
What is your experience as a doula? Tell me more about your training and experience.
What does support from you look like? (Depending on the support and services you are looking for, you might modify this question. For example, for abortion support, you might want to know when and how the doula offers support. Just as you might want to know what is included in postpartum doula support. And so on.)
Do you have a backup? Who is that and under what circumstances would I work with the backup?
Where can I find reviews or testimonials from former clients you’ve supported?
Consider logistics. You will probably want to look over the doula’s contract or agreement, as well as get clear on their fees, deposits, and other policies. Keep asking questions as they arise!
Budget for a doula. Many people make their living doing doula work, and we encourage you to budget in order to be able to compensate your doula fairly. That being said, bring questions about payment plans, low and no-cost services, community funds, sliding scale, and any other financial access to your doula search process, as needed. If there’s a doula you want to work with but can’t meet their costs, might you be able to crowdfund or ask family and friends to contribute to a doula fund as a gift? Everyone deserves this support, and we encourage you to get creative in navigating your options.
Making Your Decision
Offer yourself some time to decide, if possible. If you have the time, take it. Spend a few days or a week sitting with the possibilities and noticing who you are feeling drawn to and why. If new questions develop, drop the doula an email or text.
Give yourself grace to restart the process if needed. If at any point you’ve narrowed your search down and need to expand it again because the options just aren’t feeling right, do that. In our experience, clients seem to be the most satisfied when they have chosen a doula based on relationship, rather than convenience or cost alone.
Trust your heart or your gut or whatever part of you feels grounded and settled. At some point, it is time to decide. Use the tools and strategies you use to navigate other decisions. Tap into the wisdom of your body and intuition. Then trust yourself and move forward.
You’ve Got This
This process is your process. We honor you and your unique way of navigating decisions and building a support team you can trust in. Take what resonates from this blog, and leave the rest. When you’re ready to dig in, check out our directory here.
Editor’s Note: This post was originally published in December 2020 and has been updated.