Gender Affirming Practices
Reproductive care work is a heavily gendered professional field. Only including “moms” as a doula ignores the fact that people of all genders have been gestating, birthing, experiencing loss, and parenting throughout all of human history.
Because we are all socialized within dominant culture, which is cis-heteronormative, it can be hard to break old habits. The great thing about Gender Affirming Practices is that they are liberating for everyone we serve (and for us as birthworkers, too), and if we learn to integrate them in a way that is expansive, rather than contracted, they feel celebratory!
What Does Gender Affirming Mean?
You may have heard phrases like gender/queer/LGBTQ+ “competent” or “inclusive.” A doula who is “Queer competent” might be ready to acknowledge that Queer clients have different needs and experiences than straight clients. They might sometimes or always use gender inclusive language in their practice, such as “birthing person” or “partner,” or provide adjusted forms and educational materials to their clients. Here is a list of gender inclusive language for reproductive health, if this topic is new to you!
Where inclusivity and competency fall short of being Gender Affirming is in the motivation and framework behind these adjustments. Someone who performs inclusive practices because it is the “right” thing to do, may not truly be motivated to meet the needs of trans, non-binary, and gender-expansive clients.
To be Gender Affirming means you never assume anyone’s gender based on their expression, circumstances, or experiences; you don’t expect anyone to disclose information about their gender to you, even if you give them the space to do so; and, you don’t project gendered desires, preferences, or needs onto others.
Case Study: Pronouns
Let’s set the scene… you are facilitating a group childbirth education class. You have recently started putting your own pronouns on your name tag, in your email signature, and sharing them when you introduce yourself, as you were taught to do. So, you are excited to bring this practice to your live group class. When you open up the class and facilitate introductions you could:
Be competent/inclusive by saying, “My name is ______ and my pronouns are ______. As we go around the room, share your name and pronouns too!”
Be Gender Affirming by saying, “My name is ______ and my pronouns are ______. As we go around the room, share your name and if you’d like, you can share your pronouns, if that is a practice that would feel good for you today!!”
Often times, it can feel really awkward to be asked your pronouns in a new space, when you aren’t sure yet how trustworthy others in the space are - especially if you are trans or non-binary in a cishet dominated space, and/or you are having gender feels.
It can also feel weird for other people to treat this practice of sharing pronouns as fixed, if your relationship to pronouns is more fluid. The difference between being competent/inclusive and affirming is the invitation to take up space, not the expectation to disclose personal information. You can learn more about using gender pronouns here.
Gender Affirming Doula Trainings at BADT
Inclusivity is one of our Core Values at BADT, and in the world of doula trainings, this means ensuring Gender Affirming practices are part of the foundation for all of our course offerings. We believe that Full-Spectrum Doulas should not only be prepared to meet the full spectrum of pregnancy options, but also to serve the full spectrum of human experience.
This doesn’t mean we think that every doula should strive to be the doula for every person, but quite the opposite. While we model Gender Affirming practices in our trainings in order to normalize them, we also often assign work that requires students to examine their biases and level of preparedness to either work with queer and trans clients or refer them to someone who can better meet their needs.
As a transmasculine non-binary person myself, I never imagined I would ever be in a leadership role with a doula training organization. At best, I expected that some training programs would acknowledge that folks like me exist (usually while sensationalizing our existence), and it is incredible to me that I work for BADT and am able to center my own community in the curriculum I teach.
Tips for Integrating Gender Affirming Practices Into Your Birthwork
Shift your language, but know that’s just the start. Language shapes our world! It is more important to let Gender Affirming language shape your inner world than it is to perfectly execute the change in language. Address the gender binary that is deeply imbedded into your psyche! You can change every last word you utter and every form and handout you use to be inclusive, but if you ignore your own socialized biases, that shift is nothing more than performance.
Expect to mess up, and be ready to address it. When (not if) you slip up and say the wrong thing, correct yourself as simply as possible without sinking into the shame jacuzzi (you know the shame jacuzzi, right?) so that you're more likely to do better next time. If you make a mistake that causes harm to someone else, don’t expect them to want to engage in repair with you, but offer up a genuine apology and make sure that you are versed in accountability practices ahead of ever making a mistake.
Don’t make assumptions. If it is good enough for The Four Agreements, it is good enough here. Whether you have been a doula for 2 months or 20 years, never assume that you know more than anyone else about who they are, or what they need. Learn to think of people the way they think of themselves, don’t just memorize their pronouns.
Know when and how to ask questions. Are you asking a question out of curiosity, or for a good reason? If you need to ask someone a potentially invasive question, always ask yourself this first. When you identify that there is a good reason, be sure you are ready to explain why you are asking as you do.
Remember that Queer and Trans people are not monoliths. Make a point to learn from a variety of folks who offer up their knowledge graciously, like our friends king yaa and Moss Froom. Know that just because one of your Queer clients in the past preferred or needed something in particular, does not mean that all of your future Queer clients will feel the same way. There are so many resources to learn from! Like, really, so many!
Be prepared to say “I don’t know,” and to refer out. One of the best things you can do to be Gender Affirming is know your limits. Connecting community members and potential clients to professionals with shared lived experiences is oftentimes the most substantial way to support their care. You should also be ready to address gaps in knowledge, and seek out information from a limited, but ever-growing body of information on Queer and Trans reproductive health.
Advocate. We aren’t shy about advocacy here at Birthing Advocacy Doula Trainings. So please, call out trans violent practices in your local reproductive health communities. Do this often, loudly, and responsibly.
Are you ready to move past inclusive practices, and deepen your Gender Affirming Practices?
BADT has a 4-week CE course on Queer & Trans Reproductive Support that begins August 3rd, 2021 - enrollment is now open! If you miss this first live offering of the course, make sure you are on our mailing list and following us on social media to catch all of the updates!
Jenna “JB” Brown (they/he), of Love Over Fear Wellness and Birth, is a full-spectrum doula, community educator, and creator, with a passion for pelvises, humans, trauma-informed care, and the complexities of Justice. As a trans non-binary person, they are practiced in the art (and awkwardness) of transition, and he brings this knowing and compassion to his work as a doula and educator, supporting individuals and families through their own transformations in conception, pregnancy, birth, postpartum and beyond by providing direct client work, resources, and community spaces. While JB supports loss specifically, he also believes that all doula work is grief/loss work, and this is integral to his approach with clients. As a core teacher and the lead course content creator at Birthing Advocacy Doula Trainings (BADT), JB works with students and professionals to be partners and accomplices in the movement to change the current birth environment locally, nationally and globally. In addition to work in the perinatal space, JB provides advocacy, education, mentorship, and consulting work around gender, both for trans, gender non-conforming, and non-binary people, as well as folks looking to include these individuals in their work.