A Practice: How to Create Routines While Trying to Conceive (TTC)
by Whit Williams-Black
Building regular routines is something most humans have tried, struggled, and pushed through.
As I became an adult, I found morning routines that helped me tackle the day's demands. As a parent, I found cooking routines that worked for my family.
As a co-parent or person trying to conceive, you will quickly find that there are many to-dos whether that be tracking your hormonal cycle, corresponding with healthcare providers, finding donors, etc. In addition, you may be spending time making your body a safe home for yourself.
I want to stress this is not about becoming your most perfect version or fulfilling your potential.
This blog is meant to offer practical ideas with a humble sentiment to get better a little bit every day (or every season... more on that later).
My biggest question was always “HOW do you do a thing?” Don't give me some vague theory about what I could do or unrealistic should-do tasks.
What should I consider?
How will signs and symptoms show up in my body?
What to do to remedy an ailment?
And how do people get pregnant at home?
Where is that pamphlet about Turkey basters that lesbians used to use back in the day to get pregnant at home and how can we make space for everyone who's having a hard time getting pregnant?
Learning Body Literacy
The only way to not be vague is to invite people back into their bodies.
As a birth doula, grounding people with their breath, returning to the senses and making posture adjustments/changing position has has made me stand out to nurses, doctors and the families we serve together. I also yap a lot, over-explaining anatomy, and physiology and affirming people with my Southern poetics.
When you begin on this journey, you may find that being so in touch with your body is a lot of work!
Tracking what some call a “fifth vital” is complicated. Once you pay attention to cervical mucus, waking (and sleeping) temperature, details about your period, and your emotions about/around/during your cycle. These are all vital signs your body sends throughout the month.
You may be writing it all down and trying to calculate when to inseminate if this is part of your journey.
If you find out that your reproductive endocrinologist (RE) is doing some of this triangulating for you, I encourage you to gather information at home to supplement and guide your healthcare provider.
You are the expert of your body but you have to practice reading each sign your body sends.
Whether you are using IUI with a midwife, ICI at home, IVF in-clinic or an array of these, finding your baseline through body literacy can only boost your confidence and reduce stress during TTC.
While TTC, especially, we must connect to and respect what our body usually does in each stage versus what we want to see. Each vital sign is important and lends itself to the next phase of the cycle. If we want to understand and advocate for ourselves, structured routines can give us time to interpret the information we need to relay back to our midwives, OBGYNs and REs.
Tapping into the Seasons
Honestly, I struggled with making sure I was taking in enough water, making all the doctor’s visits, and remembering to feed myself and my family nourishing meals.
Who knew there were so many tests to take and that timing them was so intricate?
You’ll need to remember when to pee on which stick – pregnancy in the morning and ovulation in the afternoon. And how do you fit all of this into your regular everyday tasks.
Recently, I have found a flow that feels like all of the things I want to do are possible! Burnout may be just around the corner when you lack routines!
We all need time to slow down, act with intention, and tend to ourselves.
In my experience, some things can be emphasized and focused on during the season that energetically aligns. For example:
Rest during the winter.
Activate and stay vigilant for the first signs of spring.
Create space for summer’s joys and stay cool.
Take inventory of all of the work you’ve done in the fall and putg up the harvest.
These principles may seem pretty flowery, but each of these intentions I have seen echoed through some of my favorite fertility books like Atomic Habits, The Elevation Approach, Real Food for Fertility, Hormone Intelligence, and others.
You can read any and as many self-help-become-more-disciplined-I-Want-A-Baby books as you like (I, too, have read them). However, one of the shortcomings of most of them is the lack of body literacy and reverence for the autumn seasons!
The Sunflower Challenge
There are a couple of everyday to-dos that may become necessary to weave into each day.
Join my Broadcast Channel on Instagram for our next Sunflower Challenge. These are some that I have seen and shared with many of my clients:
Drink water as soon as you rise.
Keep pee sticks and small cups next to your toilet.
Make prenatal vitamins and other supplements easily accessible. This may be on your kitchen table, in your purse, or next to your bed, for instance.
Move your body. Move in whatever way feels joyful, soothing, and nourishing.
Make space for joy and grief. Light candles, set up an altar, make space for meditation or prayer, etc.
Journal.
Enjoy intimacy with friends and lovers.
Buy a good melatonin supplement and invest in local honey!!
One Step at a Time
I wish you so much ease as you navigate your TTC journey, and I invite you to take just ONE step towards a nourishing routine for yourself today.
What is one thing you can do to care for yourself today?
Check out BADT’s Full Spectrum Doula Training if you’re a birth professional or aspiring birth professional who wants to support birthing and TTC families.
If you are interested in books, consider joining my free Fable App book club for those who are trying to conceive; the Support Group is called Light of the Earth. I hope that you have been able to watch some of the recordings on my Instagram at @wanttobewelldoula!
Bio: As a full-spectrum doula, Whit Williams-Black (she/they) is dedicated to serving the community. Early on in Whit’s birthwork journey, she felt the call to serve Black mamas, young parents, poor, LGBTQIA+, and QTBIPOC people in the South. Her goals are to one day become a community midwife and to open birth centers and community gardens across the Southeastern States of America.
Whit began studying power, reproductive justice, and feminist movements in 2015. She obtained a B.A. in Gender and Women’s Studies with a minor in Social Justice in 2018 from Hollins University. Since graduation, Whit has become a certified full-spectrum doula with Ancient Song Doula Services in NYC. Professionally, they have served as a Community Educator-- facilitating workshops on Childbirth, Reproductive Justice, Consent, and Pleasure.