7 Ways to Process Your Birth (and Why This Matters)
CW: mention of pregnancy and infant loss
One way that birth and postpartum doulas hold space for birthing folks is through birth processing. All birth stories are layered and nonlinear, such is the human experience. This blog is meant to be a postpartum resource for birth workers and birthing people alike.
We also want to note the nuance in this topic. When we use the term postpartum, we are referring to anyone who resonates with this term and is experiencing life post-pregnancy. The conversation of birth includes the conversation of loss, and the full-spectrum of pregnancy and birth experiences are valid and deserve to be processed. We are holding space for folks who are grieving, folks who are healing, and folks who have yet to find a way or space to share their story.
What is Birth Processing and Why Does it Matter
Birth processing is the sharing of your birth experience in a container that feels safe and supportive. This container may be a person, a group of people, a notebook, or the voice recorder on your phone. There is not just one way to process your story, and the processing will take place over days, weeks, and even years.
Processing big, life changing experiences is important! In our fast-paced culture, people are quick to focus only on outcomes, rather than the journey– the layered, non-linear parts. This can be really invalidating! There are so many parts of your experience, and each part you deem important is important.
Additionally, we are relational beings, and over time and across cultures, we have seen that being witnessed by a loving other can be healing, grounding, and strengthening. While some parts of your birth processing may happen alone, sharing with a compassionate listener can add to your healing. There is a large body of work called interpersonal neurobiology that backs this, AND if we look back across history, gathering in ritual and community is something humans do, something humans need.
7 Ways to Process Your Birth
As you begin your processing journey, notice what is feeling helpful and soothing, as well as what is feeling difficult or impossible. Seek care from your support system along the way. As always, take the ideas that work for you and leave the rest.
Give yourself time. Literally carve out the time to process, AND allow yourself the time you need to return to your birth and the processing. You may be ready the day of or it may take days or weeks before you are ready. There’s no right way to do this– only your way.
Write/tell your story. Write, voice, or video record your story. Do this in chunks and take breaks, as needed. You don’t have to get it all down at once!
Watch the video and/or look at photos. If you or someone on your birth team took video or photos, you may like to look back through them. Notice whether this feels helpful or activating.
Tell the story with the folks who were present at your birth. Walking through your journey with the people who were present can help you remember specific details or sensory elements. Just being with them again, may bring up You may ask your doula or partner or loved one to fill in some details that feel hazy. You may also like to hear about the parts that stood out to other people in the room.
Share your story with a therapist. If your experience was/is traumatic, we highly recommend processing with a mental health professional. That said, we acknowledge that therapy can be supportive for a wide range of folks, and if working with one feels supportive to you, we are all for it!
Attend support groups that make space for sharing. There is a wide range of support groups from parenting groups to loss groups to groups focused on specific identities. You may look into local groups as well as virtual groups, which can be accessed from anywhere. If you are a birthing person, we suggest asking your doula or other care providers for recommendations to help you get started!
Share your story publicly. This can look however you’d like it to look. Photos and a social media share, going on a podcast, publishing to a blog, etc. We suggest including content warnings on public shares, as birth stories can be activating for folks.
Birth Processing Resources:
Write Your Birth Story With Ease a 7-day course by doula and writer Carrie Murphy:
“Birth matters. Birth stories matter. Your birth story matters. As humans, telling stories is the way we make sense of ourselves and our experiences, the way we make meaning.
But writing a meaningful birth story is often harder than it sounds. Where do you start? How do you find the time, especially when you’re running on fumes in the early weeks and months after birth? What if your birth was difficult or traumatic—how do you approach it, then?
There is a way to write your birth story that’s simple and straightforward. I’ve developed an easy method that will take you from blank page to polished story in 7 days. It’s called the Writing Your Birth Story Course!”
Birth Story Medicine offers trainings for birth workers who want to hold space for birthing people to process their birth stories, as well as 1:1 sessions for birthing people who are ready to tell and heal their stories. “Together We Transform Birth Stories. Your quest to heal your birth story or help others called you here.”
The Birth Hour (note: gendered language throughout website and episodes) offers folks from the public a platform to share their birth stories with the world. “The mission of The Birth Hour is to support expecting parents in their journey to parenthood by helping them to be informed and empowered as they navigate pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.”
Join Us in Community
If this topic is interesting to you, we’d love for your to join us in community. We can only navigate the nuances and intricacies or birth work together. Sign up for our email list if you’re a birth worker or aspiring birth worker, so you’ll be first to hear about new courses, open enrollment periods, and scholarship opportunities.