11 Aspects of Life to Consider When Building Your Support System

Transitions. Portals. Transformations. 

So many of the experiences birthing people go through can be described by the above words. Reproductive experiences (letting go of a pregnancy, becoming a parent, honoring a loss, affirming oneself through surgery or hormones, and so on) involve change, and through these shifts, people need and benefit from robust and layered support systems.

No matter the context of the transition, no matter how big or small or celebratory or difficult it feels (and maybe it feels like ALL of these things because binaries are bullshit), it is important to reflect on and plan for support.

This article offers 11 areas of life you may want to consider as you plan for an upcoming reproductive experience. As always, take what resonates and throw out the rest. If you are working with a doula, this is a list you can explore and process together, as they may have referrals and insights to add to the wealth of knowledge you hold about yourself.

If you are a birth worker, some of these considerations will be meaningful for you as after-care for the times and ways you show up with clients’ transitions. Additionally, this list may be a tool you share with them or walk through with them. 

Exploring this list is an act of care for your current and future self. Things do not have to go exactly according to this plan. You’ll end up making edits or adjustments, and that’s totally normal. This is meant to be a starting point and a way of wrapping your web of care around you as you anticipate the transition ahead.

11 Aspects of Life to Consider When Building Your Support System 

1. Name and build your team. Who is on your support team? This may include some of the following and more:

• Medical provider (OB/Midwife/surgeon/clinic)

• Doula or companion

• Support group and/or therapist

• Family

• Friends

• Other caregivers and support professionals (other birth/reproductive professionals, babysitters, nannies, chefs, house cleaners, etc.)

2. Get clear on your time off. How long can you take off work if you need/want to? What steps do you need to take in order to get this in place? If you have a partner or partners, how long can they take off work? And how might these schedules work together and/or be staggered to meet your needs?

3. Assess your mental health needs. What do you know about your own mental health history/needs/cycles? What mental health supports do you already have in place? What additional supports might you like to explore through this transition? Ideas include support groups, medications, (additional) therapy sessions, and safety planning.

4. Plan to prioritize rest. How much sleep do you typically need/want in a day? Consider the ways this may be interrupted or change through your transition. What systems or supports can you put in place in order to prioritize rest? Ideas include hiring doula support, normalizing napping, letting rest (even if you don’t fall asleep) “count,” and asking family/friends to show up in ways that allow you to rest or sleep (aka as childcare or to help with chores). 

5.  Create a plan for meals. Make a list of foods that are comforting/soothing to you. This may include foods that can be prepared at home, as well as your favorite restaurants. Many folks utilize tools like mealtrain.com to easily share their needs and preferences and get support from community. Plan to have easily accessible snacks around, in addition to nourishing meals.

6. Prepare by securing needed recovery supplies. On a practical level, what types of supplies do you need for recovery? This can range from snacks to balms to pads to heating pads to peri bottles to prescriptions. 

7. Consider how you’d like to handle visitors. Do you anticipate wanting visitors? If so, when and who? Is there anyone you particularly want to visit and/or anyone you don’t want to visit? How can you communicate expectations, wishes, and boundaries with these folks? Are there COVID or other risk-tolerance discussions you’d like to have ahead of time?

8.Evaluate other family needs. What care do partners, children, and pets need that you may not be able to provide through this transition? Who can you call on or hire for support? 

9. Anticipate household needs. What tasks might be difficult for you to do through this transition? What can you outsource? How can your list of possible visitors align with some of your household needs? 

10. Make space for things that make you feel like YOU. What things do you do for self-care typically? Which of these acts of care may be accessible or sounds comforting for this transition? How will you make sure you can tend to yourself and your needs even in seemingly small ways during this transition? Is there someone that can help hold you accountable to simple acts of self-care?

11. Consider your budget. Your budget will likely inform some of the decisions you make about who supports you and how. If there is time before your transition, research can help you locate the people and programs that offer the care and services you need. This includes community-based doula programs, care workers who utilize sliding scale or flexible fee schedules, support groups, and more.

Reach Out for Support

As a full-spectrum doula, I’m honored to walk through and plan for transitions with clients. If you’d like support in this process, reach out! Additionally, check out the BADT Directory to find BADT-trained doulas in your local area.

Court (they/them) is a witness, space-holder, supporter, and caregiver for families of all types and in all stages. They have served youth and their families since 2008. Court is passionate about honoring life’s transitions, and they believe that all birthing people deserve compassionate, steady, and informed support throughout their unique reproductive journeys. Court works with a wide range of clients, including folks who identify as highly sensitive, queer, trans, polyam, teens or young parents, and fellow caregivers.

As a full-spectrum companion, Court is proud to elevate the voices and needs of each client they have the honor of serving. They are dedicated to inclusive, anti-oppressive work both in their personal and professional relationships and in the systems they live and work in. Outside of birth and coaching work, Court loves spending time with family, friends, and their cats. They can often be found swimming or walking, scrolling TikTok, or writing.